Buhtt sex?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
