She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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