My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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