I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
