she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
