my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
