she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
