She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
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I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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