Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize