Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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