i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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