So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
