Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I believe in your delicious
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
