you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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