Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
