I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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