youre lurking in front of me
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
