he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
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I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize