guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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