I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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