i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
