I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
