i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
