Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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