Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
