i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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