Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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