He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize