I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
