I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I have fence marks all over my body
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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