with your own penis?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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