Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
