True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
this is an emotional support booty call
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
