but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
