wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
