Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
