i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
