She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
