She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
