dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
