Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
