I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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