I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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