I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
