He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
