So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
