His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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