I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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