I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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