He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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