i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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