The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
