I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
