White coat. Heels.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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