I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
