You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
