I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
