I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
