But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
