I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize