yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You made out with two different species that night
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
