I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
