I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
