he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
false alarm. still invincible.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
