Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
