I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
