come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
