The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
